I'd Rather be Dead
by Zachary Finnius O'Leary
Summary: The day has come for Mello to unfold his plans to thwart Kira. Everything goes as planned until it doesn't. Matt has to make a decision, a choice between happiness and eternal despair.


Mello rolled over to see the green numbers blinding his darkened blue eyes. 5:30 AM…time to get up and begin the nightmare. For days now he had plotted what would unfold tonight. Turning to the opposite side he saw the one person he ever truly loved; his lover, best friend, and cohort in crime, Matt. Green eyes stared at him; love tinted the emptiness in his expression.

"Today is the day isn't it Mello?" Matt asked.

Mello simply nodded his blonde head with a frown. They lay next to each other, staring into each other's eyes. Matt ached to beg him not to go through with the plan, but he knew better. Once the former Mafioso had a plan it would take God to make him change his mind. Even then Matt could see him telling God no. The redhead watched as his lover rose from the bed and began getting dressed.

Mello went to the series of computers at the wall and sat down, clacking the keys angrily.

"Mello?" Matt whispered as he wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck.

"What is it Matt?" Mello said flatly.

"I love you." Matt's voice was like silk as the words flooded Mello's mind.

Mello turned and looked Matt in the eyes, "You do?"

Matt simply nodded.

"I-I love you too Matt." Mello smiled.

Matt stood next to Mello and ran his hand down the scarred flesh on his face, "I always have."

"I know…and the same has been true for me." Mello touched the hand on his cheek.

"Whatever happens today will not change that fact." The redhead pressed a kiss to Mello's lips.

The feeling that flooded their bodies was not a new one, or even rare. They had never spoken the words, but they knew. Mello pulled back slightly and looked at the green eyes he had come to admire over the last decade.

"Matt, I never want to live without you. I would rather die than not have you with me. When this is over…I'm done. I want us to be together without the insanity and the constant fear for our lives. When this is over…let's return to England and live happily together." Mello's voice was strong, dangerously so.

Matt blinked, "Really?"

Blonde hair fell messily as Mello nodded his head. Matt beamed with happiness and gave his lover one more kiss.

"I'm holding you to it." He told Mello.

"Deal."

Squealing tires flooded the sounds of coughing while Takada jumped onto Mello's bike. Matt's Chevelle tore from the lot and onto the street. Mello watched as he turned down the road and of to what he prayed wasn't certain doom. The blonde fired the throttle and then took off. The body guards were following behind him closely. He looked around and snapped the cuffs into place.

Without warning he turned down the tight alley, effectively ditching the guards. Within a few minutes the bike and Takada were secured in a cargo truck.

Mello stood with his 9mm Sword Cutlass pointed at Takada, "Take off everything you're wearing and put it in the box."*

"You're asking me to get naked… Right here…?"* Takada asked, baffled.

"That's right. You've got a tracer that'll alert the bodyguards to your whereabouts, don't you? They're going to come after me if I don't get rid of that. This delivery company has a shipping office close by, so I'll toss the box there."* Mello explained from beneath the helmet, he refused to remove. "Hurry up. Don't worry. I'll give you a blanket"*

"I-I'll give you my bag, my cell phone and the stuff inside my pockets. I won't be able to contact anybody… S-so can I at least have that blanket around me when I take my underwear off?"* Takada's voice shook.

"Do you think I am fucking stupid? Put everything in the damn box and then you can have the blanket. Decency is the last thing you should be worried about right now." Mello spat.

Hesitantly Takada removed all of her clothes and placed everything in the box. Mello inspected the items and grinned when he found a small piece of paper tucked in the discarded bra.

"Is this from the Note?" The helmeted blonde laughed.

Takada looked away, still naked, "May I have the blanket now?"

Mello stood and looked her over, running gloved hands across her bare skin, searching for anything that could be hidden away. Convinced she had nothing hidden he closed the box and tossed the blanket to her.

"Fucking pervert." Takada hissed.

Mello began to close the cargo door and paused, "Don't flatter yourself. You are so not my type."

Once the box was dropped off into another truck Mello reentered the cab and began the journey to the church in Nagano. Mello glanced at the monitor next to him and grinned seeing a news report that the vehicle being chased had escaped.

"Good job Matt." Mello said to himself.

AS he exited the freeway he glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Takada smash the window.

"What the fuck?" Mello shouted, slamming the brake down, forcing Takada against the front wall of the truck.

He pulled into the abandoned building and gasped as something wrapped around his neck. Gloved hands grabbed at the cable around his windpipe. He couldn't get a grip and quickly his vision began to blur. He reached for his gun, but couldn't get a grip onto it. The cab went black and he passed out.

"Mello! Mello wake up damn it!" Matt screamed as he shook the blonde.

Matt was covered in soot and his vest was singed. He held the blonde in his arms, shaking him gently. Goggled eyes looked back up at the burning church in the distance. When Matt had arrived at the agreed meeting place, it was already burning. The remaining supports of the building had given out and the worn stone crushed the cab of the truck. Out of the strong fear of losing Mello he made his way in and freed the unconscious man from the wreckage.

Now Mello lay in his arms unconscious and barely breathing, bleeding from a wound on his head. Matt picked up the blonde's cell phone and called Halle. He knew she was nearby and could help.

"Mello?" The woman shouted into the phone.

"No Halle its Matt…Listen Mello is in bad shape I need some way to get him to a doctor. My car is toast and we need out of here now." Matt spoke calmly, running his fingers through Mello's blood damp hair.

"Alright I have a read on Mello's cell so I will have someone there in 5 minutes."

"Hurry."

Shutting the phone he returned to cradling his lover, "It's going to be okay Mello. I promise."

Matt sat impatiently in the uncomfortable chair of the hospital, waiting for the doctor to tell him something. He needed anything as long as it was news about Mello.

"Matt?" A voice came from across the hall.

Matt looked up to see a man in his late 50's, dressed in a lab-like coat and a somber look on his face.

"Yes?" The redhead piped.

"We need your assistance with something. It seems Mello doesn't recall who he is…."

"What? Like amnesia or something? How can I help?"

"Sometimes seeing the face of a friend or loved one can stir memories. We want him to see if he can remember you."

Matt agreed and followed the doctor into the room. As he came in he saw the bloody blonde hair and blue eyes of his lover.

"Mello?" Matt whispered.

Mello looked back at him and frowned, saying nothing.

"Mello, it's me…Matt." The redhead cooed.

Mello shook his head side to side and looked away.

"Mello. It's me…you know me. You have known me for over 10 years." Matt felt hurt and betrayed, though he couldn't blame the blonde.

"I-I don't." Mello frowned again, still looking away.

The doctor put his hand onto Matt's shoulder and lead him from the room, "He had some serious brain damage and probably won't remember anything that he has lost."

"No…there has to be something you can do. Anything. Please." Matt fought tears from dropping into his goggles.

"Time is all we have to give him right now." The doctor said as he turned away from the soot covered man.

Matt felt so helpless, so alone, so…empty.

"_Matt, I never want to live without you. I would rather die than not have you with me. When this is over…I'm done. I want us to be together without the insanity and the constant fear for our lives. When this is over…let's return to England and live happily together." _

Matt sat up in the cold bed gasping for air. The words Mello had said to him that morning were running through his every dream and thought. It had been nearly 6 months and Mello still had no idea who he was or who Matt was. They had moved him to the apartment only because medically he was fine. The blonde refused to sleep in bed with Matt, simply because he had no idea who the man he would be sleeping with was.

Tired green eyes looked at the clock and he let out a frustrated sigh. These nights of little or no sleep were killing him. He crawled out of bed and walked quietly into the living room where Mello was asleep on the couch. Matt looked over at the side table that had the stuff from the day Mello went to the hospital. All that sat there was his cell phone, gun, and rosary. Mello refused to let any of those from his sight…he hoped they would hold the key needed to spark his memory.

Matt ran his fingers over the rosary and frowned. A thought entered his head that he wanted to dismiss. The last 6 months had been a damn nightmare and living with Mello wasn't worth living if the blonde didn't remember him or his love. Matt traced the length of the Sword Cutlass. The shined metal glistened in the faint moonlight from the window. Matt looked again at his lover asleep on the couch.

"_Matt, I never want to live without you. I would rather die than not have you with me. When this is over…I'm done. I want us to be together without the insanity and the constant fear for our lives. When this is over…let's return to England and live happily together." _

The words ran through his mind again and again. He had to do what Mello would have wanted. If he couldn't remember the love they shared…or who he was…then he had to die.

Matt grabbed the gun and cocked it. The blonde didn't stir on the leather couch.

"Forgive me Mello…I love you. I am doing this for you." Matt whispered before placing the tip of the barrel to Mello's temple.

His finger tensed slowly and his body shook. Mello would want this…right? He said so…He would rather die than not have Matt with him. If he couldn't remember him, then surely it's the same thing.

BANG!

Matt sobbed uncontrollably as the lifeless body bleed onto the leather couch. He couldn't believe that he had actually pulled the trigger. A single, small hole ran through the side of his lover's head. The blood flooded from the side that Mello still appeared to be sleeping on. Matt stepped back as the crimson fluid collected and flowed toward his bare feet. The stickiness started to touch his toes and soon covered the soles of his feet. It was warm, thick and made his skin crawl.

"What have I done?" Matt shook from anger, shook from fear.

His hand wobbled as he raised the Cutlass to his own head. The cold steel, made goose bumps line his flesh. The hairs on his neck rose and his chest labored to give him air. The tensing of his finger forced his lips to whisper a pained goodbye.

"Mello…I am sorry."

BANG!

-The End-

* Direct quotations from the Death Note Manga. Quotes used are from Chapter 99 "The Two" I do not own Death Note and this fic was written purely for entertainment purposes. All credit for the characters used go to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.


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